cats
If I gave you 2 cats
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Father Christmas
The love of his lives
Going to the dogs
When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. "Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find," he told me. At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. "Believe it or not," I said, "this is for a sick dog." As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, "These are for my cats."
Feline friendly
Cat shopping
Living in a household with eight indoor cats requires buying large amounts of kitty litter, which I usually get in 25-pound bags—100 pounds at a time. When I was going to be out of town for a week, I decided to go to the supermarket to stock up. As my husband and I both pushed shopping carts, each loaded with five large bags of litter, a man looked at our purchases and queried, “Bengal or Siberian?”
Hungry cat
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. “We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.” “How do you know that?” I asked. “Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said. Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.