Two blondes are at work when one of them gets a delivery of a dozen roses from her boyfriend. The blonde coworker notices that the blonde recipient doesn't seem too pleased about getting the roses. "You know," says the coworker, "If I got a dozen long stem roses from a man, I would be very happy." The other blonde replies, "Yeah, but now I have to spend half the night with my legs in the air." "Why?" the coworker asks, "Can't you afford a vase?"
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Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"
A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking. He stopped without hesitation and she climbed into the cab showing mountains of cleavage. Two miles further down the road, he got a flat, pulled to the side of the road and got out to inspect the tire. He was fiddling around with the wheel, when the blonde opened the window and shouted down, "Do you want a screwdriver?" The driver replied, all smiles, "Might as well. I can't get this fucking hub cap off."
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"
A blonde walks into an electronics store to buy a television. She finds a salesman and tells him, “I want to buy this television," as she points. The man tells her, “Sorry Miss, we don’t sell televisions to blondes." The girl walks out and walks back inside five minutes later with a brunette wig. She finds another salesman and tells him, “Sir, I want to buy this television,” as she points. The man tells her, “Sorry Miss, but we don’t sell televisions to blondes." She leaves and comes back once again, but this time with a red wig on. She finds yet another salesman and tells him, “Sir, I would like to buy this television,” as she points. The man also tells her, “Sorry Miss, we don’t sell televisions to blondes." Now, the girl is really mad and asks the man, “How the hell do you know that I’m a blonde?!” The man points and replies, “Miss, this is not a television, it’s a microwave."
Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. The doctor asked, "What happened?" The blonde said, "Well, I was ironing my husband's shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!" The doctor replied, "What about the other half?" The blonde answered, "They called back."