A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"
The best blondes jokes on the internet. The jokes are sorted according to the score that visitors gave the jokes. Help the site and give a score to the jokes you read!
Do you know a good joke yourself? Send them via contact.
A brunette, redhead, and blonde are stranded on the edge of a cliff. An angel appears and instructs them to jump off the cliff and say out loud what they would like to land on safely. The brunette goes first. She jumps and says, "Pillows!" She lands on a pile of pillows at the bottom. The redhead goes next. She jumps and says "Feathers!" She lands on a mass of feathers below. The blonde walks up to the edge, but trips on a rock, yelling, "Shit!" as she falls off.
Two blondes are at work when one of them gets a delivery of a dozen roses from her boyfriend. The blonde coworker notices that the blonde recipient doesn't seem too pleased about getting the roses. "You know," says the coworker, "If I got a dozen long stem roses from a man, I would be very happy." The other blonde replies, "Yeah, but now I have to spend half the night with my legs in the air." "Why?" the coworker asks, "Can't you afford a vase?"
A blonde woman won horse riding lessons. Knowing nothing about riding but wanting to be properly dressed, she went out and bought riding boots. On the day of the first lesson, she showed up wearing only the riding boots. When asked why she was naked except for the boots, she said that she was told it was bareback riding and she didn't have any clothes that just covered the front.
Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
3 women were on a island, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They find a magic lamp which a genie pops out of. He grants them all one wish. The red head wishes that a boat would come and get her. Soon after a boat appears and she is saved. The brunette wishes that a plane will come to get her. Soon after a plane appears and she is saved. The blonde starts to get bored and says "I wish my friends were here!"
Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"
A blonde decides to try horseback riding. On her first outing, the bouncing horse causes her to lose control. As she's thrown from the horse, her foot catches in the stirrup, so she lands head first. Just as she loses consciousness, the carnie stops the carousel.
Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."